Be grateful. Entering adulthood, its no longer about them. And through all this, no matter how bad things got, I never once doubted my sons love for me. We dont argue over anything and I dont stop her independence, she needs very little boundaries except there are these dreadful things she says to me. Its a tough pill to swallow. Do whats needed of us today. We need the fresh air, vitamin D3 that the sun provides and to feel the sand or soil on our toes. The confusing matter is, the change in her did not happen gradually. Children dont know if they can trust us enough to be vulnerable (this is normal). Its going to be extremely hard. Let us know how you get on. (But thats later.)
I wanted to send him to teen-challenge its residential program for a year but I dont know how he will do since he has that disorder? In school they teach you a lesson and then give you a test.
The planet surely didnt need my Mom or you to reproduce if you didnt want to. Keep the past in the past because it only exists in your head and keeps you from enjoying today. I know that this is a natural phase for them to go through but it still doesnt mean that it doesnt hurt that they do not need me the way that they once did. I wouldnt stress over any of those things on the list, just ask how she wants your support and listen without saying much.
And the worst part of this teenager situation it is like coming home after a long day of work to your abusive husband, and you still have to make dinner for him, knowing he will either give you the silent treatment or start telling you how terrible you are and storm into his room and slam the door, and then you still have to clean up after, go to bed and get up the next day and go to work. That being said, every time hes got something new to share or is scared at Halloween or something, hell automatically come to me first. This is her life. Now when she threatens him he threatens her right back. She tells me not to look at her, or touch her. We all love our child with our whole heart and have been strong for them. I am extremely worried because I have 16yo who is much more emotional and hard to get a long with and I feel that she is going to do the same thing because she saw her older sister do this. When theyre done, theyre done. Without God, I shudder to think where Id he now. With all my love, You just have to let go and find your next purpose. If we dont, we fail as a parent. We need more people like you out there sharing your joy to people that appreciate it! Sometimes she would respond, sometimes not. Still no improvement. Knowing this before we get pregnant is crucial. One of the biggest lessons I learned was that when it comes to relationships you should not try to extract happiness from another person. Surrender the control you have on him (and anyone else for that matter). I cannot cope with my teenage son. It was extremely difficult but the only other option was to give up, withdraw from society and let depression get the best of me. Your other daughter seems to be more compliant to accommodating all your needs. For mental well-being, we NEED to connect with nature every day or at least every week. My son subscribed to a online life coach course two years ago. For example, if your son attempts to communicate something important with you, speaking over him will probably only yield frustration. Meaningful conversations work best when theyre a two-way endeavor, so try to listen attentively when hes talking and allow him to speak his mind entirely without interrupting. My Grown Son Hates Me, What Do I Do? I realized, why should I live at home and pay rent when I could get my own place and pay rent. And 2) A change of scenery wrought no miracles in my son, either. God bless you and stay strong. Sometimes its not about us. Our children dont owe us anything. This will be the hardest thing you will ever do because you have to bring your child up to best friend status. All he wanted was validation, them to accept responsibility for all the cruel things they did to him and for them to love him unconditionally. This is a tough one. Webmy 8 year old says he hates me about 100 times a week, coz Im the bad cop in our family. But tell her you promise you are going to work on yourself. NO secret meetings! And I am working on identifying what I did wrong what I did, and continue to do, is I put someone else (my son) at the center of my life, which was fine for him when he was younger and actually liked it.
We shouldnt give up hope, but in the meantime we need to let go of the guilt, take care of ourselves and survive. Your mere presence in my life makes it beautiful. The best parenting lesson I ever learned, I learned from an angry teenager. He needs to be there to hear it for himself. Your loved one should be eating plenty of living food (uncooked). The children today are so sensitive. Now I enjoy my life for me, no one else. Get your loved one involved with a Hobby, Interest or Sport Surely, theres SOMETHING that your loved one is interested in. Him having issues at school, makes one think something might have happened at school. Practice Management Software for Therapists, Rules and Ethics of Online Therapy for Therapists, How to Send Appointment Reminders that Work, The Teenage Brain: A Neuroscientists Survival Guide to Raising Adolescents and Young Adults, https://www.childhelplineinternational.org/child-helplines/child-helpline-network/. If you become a burden, she will avoid you. It was an amazing experience! Your teen may rail against you, but dont give up! I never appreciated my life until my Mom was completely out of it. And so on. I hope you find the courage to make things better. Dear Mother Goose, They were doing what was best for them so I decided to do what was best for me. He took the stuff out of our hands and threw it in the dumpster and kicked us out. Now is the time to figure out what you want to do with the 2nd half of your life. Yes, clearly written by a non-parent. Lighten up. Help him work it out. I got a place at the beach and Im living my best life for me and everyone I come in contact with. It is difficult as I do not have her dad or another adult to back me up or to explain why I had to say no. They asked me to pay some living expenses. Have things gotten better? Any advice??? I also believe those feelings of hatred are very real and strong, but perhaps their feelings about everything in life they hate and are frustrated about, most of all themselves, is focused against us. I wish I knew how to keep him away from these friends. No way, really they are in the same school, and when he goes out, he meets with whomever he wants.
In the meantime, take care of yourself, get help for your depression, treat yourself, reward yourself for being her faithful mum. That humans value their lives as much as all other creatures. I am so happy your daughter communicated to you what she needs. You have to commit to addressing everything that bubbles up.
Gradually we are even re-introducing some boundaries. Thats the go to place for all matters life. He is living like alone at home now, cooking and doing all things by himself. I bet 99% of parents of a teen has heard the words I hate you. Its up to the creator to teach us our lessons, not our parents or other people. I hope so She hurts my feelings almost every day She was the sweetest baby, toddler, and preteen Go ahead and try to kill one, they will fight with everything they have to stay alive. I did it and I thought that it would show her how much I loved her. All we know is what we wanted as a teen. It was thrust upon them. It may take lots of time. He may end up hitting another female and then he will go to jail for sure. A great challenge It often wears one out to the limit. :(. Even my voice is creepy and disgusting. He smashes things in my house even on a good day weather his clothes are not ironed or cant find socks and hes smashed my things when i dont give him money so my sister said to stop all the money and i said no because he gets worst and she told me he does it weather i give him money or not so that opened my eyes a bit and thought she was exactly right. Just hoping for an end to all this crap, its just depressing, i know hes a nice guy and he was brought up properly, but hes a serial liar when caught out and just doesnt listen to anything hes told, totally hitting my head aff a brick wall, no advice is ever taken on board, gets arrested for shouting and swearing at the police after being told to keep a low profile due to all the previous trouble hes been in, just doesnt seem to learn. Another thing to do is, smile and say hi to strangers! I guess only this shows if they love and respect you or not. 2. Hi Vicky, I dont like my daughter either and I dont take any comfort that she will be a nice person to me one day. As far as your son hating his job, thats completely normal. If you want to take the hybrid course vs the year long course I took, I can give you a few tips that will get you there quicker. But the sooner the adjustment, the better they will bounce back and find their groove. ;). So, sometimes Im read to explode on the inside, but I smile, ask a few questions and let it go. I dont know what country are you based in, but most countries have online or telephone help and support for young people in difficult situations, e.g. Maybe hes struggling socially with his social skills? So, the only way to stop obsessing is to find your own life and dive into it. They are graduating this year and will be off to college. I was looking for any nugget of wisdom I could dig up and apply to my situation, wow, I found a whole mountain of wisdom from these comments. He will see that we learn our appropriate lessons. You sound like you need something for you, a strong foundation of happiness that allows you to come home refreshed to deal with their acting out. I do want to applaud you for not having more than 1 child. Why does all your other friends want to talk to you? Simple example: Your child says they want a car. No matter what you feel right now. He was upset when he found out they cost money (private driving school, since he is not enrolled in the local school there are only a few weeks left, and since he was expelled from his school here theres no guarantee he could even go to another school if he was willing to, which he isnt), and said he didnt want me to sign him up since he wouldnt take charity, but since he also isnt taking any steps towards getting a job, its going to limit his options quite a bit. Every day you get through is one day closer to your daughter emerging as a human being. My daughter at 12 has changed overnight from wanting to do everything with me to hating everything about me. When you make boundaries, you have to defend them or they are nothing but words. Youre the one that is there so you get the brunt of it. Our needs should no longer be dumped on our children. Our mothers chose this for us.
She even told me that when she has to make a tough decision she asks herself, what would Mommy do? I guess Im writing you because I want to know how things are going 3 years later. He also got a job, something hes been wanting to do for years, and now, in his 2nd week on the job, he hates it, too. I have met so many wonderful people at college! He loathes to be told anything. Dont forget to show interest in the things she likes. Try to present all options you can think of. I was crying so hard I had to get my meal to go. I am also scared that the relationship with my daughter wont heal and that she will have nothing to do with us once shes left home. I tend to like the sign I have in my kitchen that reads Raising kids is like being pecked to death by a chicken. Most days I feel as if I were a toddler awake during nap time, my eyes pressed closed, pretending to sleep so as not to disturb the sleepers.
It is incredibly hard. It seems people are more ok if they have a friend that is gay but if its their child, its the end of the world? I would give him anything he asked for especially money just so i could get abit of peace but i stopped all the money because Ive had it upto my neck with how he treats me. Every human being needs to learn their own lessons.
Sending you the courage you need to get you through this. Here is a sample letter to son from his mother: Dear Son/name/nickname, I got the best gift of my life on that rainy day in June. You are doing him and our society no favors letting him physically abuse you. So, you can start doing immediately. He helps my son to understand himself, control his emotion, finding his life purpose, etc. Mainly because in school, youre taught a lesson and then given a test. Then move. If you are honest, real, sincere and consistent in your words, it will pay off. But only now when I am a mother thinking of how to teach my son about money, I kind of understand why my parents asked me to pay. I always made raising my daughter a priority so this made me feel like a failure. What if something happens to you? Whatever you do, dont raise your voice. Always remember, you are in control of your thoughts & emotions so you can change anything you want to change. Get some life experience, little girl, and leave the hard stuff to the grown ups. And realize we as a society shouldnt sweat the small stuff. So get busy because this is a transforming experience if you invest in yourself. I cant seem to say anything that doesnt make her angry. At least 1-2 hours before you retire to bed at night, sit in a quiet place with a candle lit. I have been very patient with her for 3 years. And, you assumed it was his life coach. Do you think tough love is going to fix this? I can, and have, and do apologize for it, although we cannot directly speak of it. I know you can do this! You sound like an amazing mum, and you cant be responsible for the mess thats going on in your sons head.
Sometimes you just dont have the energy left to do all them fancy negotiations you are supposed to do and you snap back to, screaming and yelling because I said so and giving time out. Navigating this is not easy, but as some of you have commented, keep loving them and in the end they come back to you! If you want to gain some good graces, sit her down and tell her you are sorry that you made such a big deal out of that.
Maybe a green tea with honey. However, in some cases including mine, theres an actual reason behind it.
Oh Janice, I am so sorry you are going through this terrible pain. I guess you could say I was not prepared at all because my child was so obedient and kind all of his life, until now. Give this some serious thought: Figure out why your happiness depends on other people. 
Look back at the happiest times you can remember and get back to that time.
For the past year or so, things have been massively better, so I just want to give you hope that things can improve. So is anyone else really relieved that Mothers Day is over so we no longer have to feel like crawling in a hole every time we hear about how happy families are supposed to be celebrating? Non-parent or not, you are spot on. Well, minus Algebra!!! Being a parent who cares about our children is like having our hearts ripped out piece by piece, then in one moment of hope we get a glimpse of how it could be and may be one day.
Make is your bonding time. I know you are VERY busy right now so dont stress too much. In fact shes withdrawn for everyone, no matter how nice they are to her, but Im the one she really seems to hate. I tried to explain to him that now that is daddys job because now I am the one paying 800 dollars a month child support.he said but daddy always says nowe have to wait for sales. Sometimes we had amusing times, as a small child may provoke feelings of protection in an adult human. I can, and have, and you cant be responsible for the mess thats going in. From enjoying today wanting to do is, the only way to obsessing... Best life for me issues at school re-introducing some boundaries whole heart have. Options you can think of tell her you promise you are very busy right now so dont stress too.... Avoid you hate you learn their own lessons stop obsessing is to find your next purpose old he! Pecked to death by a chicken with her for 3 years I bet %... 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